The Name's Smith

Tamra Smith.

I watched James Bond for the first time in my life last night.

It rocked my world.

You know the line "shaken not stirred"

I thought that came from the movie" Santa Clause".

That 'tis not so.

That line was hijacked from Mr. Bond.

{Just in case any of you out there are as clueless as I am and wanted to know the true origin of the quote}

I've been thinking a lot about who Tamra Smith is.

All my life I've been a "dancer".

But here at college I've seen that part of me fading a lot.

The one thing that has always defined me isn't ME anymore.

I love dance. I enjoy watching it, I like doing it, but I don't fit in that world.

It's not my passion.

I'm the type of person who NEEDS to feel the passion.

As Garth Brooks said: "I have a need to feel the thunder, chase the lightning from the sky, to watch a storm with all its wonder..."

I don't know if this need for passion is because I'm so young and I have a lot of life ahead of me or what it is?

I'm a shy person; I'm not good a speaking in front of people, I say dumb things like I have 5 brothers and sisters?

WHATTTTTT??? No I don't!!

Unless we're counting that imaginary friend I never had as a child.

But I feel like "There is a fire in my eyes, and I will let it burn, there's a scream in my voice and I WILL be heard. There is a fire in my eyes and I will let it burn until I'm heard."

{Red Jumpsuit Apparatus "Seventeen ain't so sweet"}

I truly believe that I'm meant to do something that is so much bigger than myself in this life.

I have a passion to make a difference.

I know that I have no way of meeting that challenge on my own.

Without the Lord as my guide I wouldn't be able to conquer my fears.

If He needs me to do something I know He will provide a way for me to accomplish it.

I'm confident that I will be able to work through my struggles and come out refined and ready to do what I'm supposed to.

I'm weak, I'm the dust of the earth, but with my Savior I can do impossible {to me} things.

I've been scared right out of my wits this semester.

I've chosen to take an education path that to me is impossible.

But I don't doubt for a second that this where the Lord wants me to go and that I will succeed.

It's just one of those things that I know with my whole heart and I can't deny it.

I'm extremely grateful for church.

Throughout the week I struggle and my heart turns cool because of the frustrations I have with myself.

My faith becomes weak and I become weary.

But the second I walk into that blessed building I am able to feel peace and comfort.

I know that my savior loves me and will never leave me.

I love my stake president.

I swear that man looks into my eyes and sees my soul.

It's the scariest thing ever.

One time I was wrestling with my self worth,

he looked me in the eyes and said "You know you're a beautiful daughter of God, right?"

Tears rolled down my cheeks and love poured over me.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't say anything.

How did he know about the inner battle I was having?

That man has the spirit with him, he is inspired.

I know it. Every time he speaks he says something that brings unspeakable peace to my life.

I'm so blessed to have this gospel in my life.

In relief society today we had a lesson about self-worth and to demand respect from men.

Sometimes I worry that I will never find someone because I'm too picky.

I have too many standards.

But I DO deserve the best and I will not settle.

One day I will find a man who loves the Lord and can look deep into my soul and love me for who I am, imperfections and all.

It will happen.

For my family at home:

I love you.

Mom thank you for loving me through the rough times of my life and all my mistakes.

Dad thank you for providing for our family.

Ryan you are the greatest big brother, and you really are amazing, I hope you know that.

Ang you are the greatest example to me and the truest friend I could ever have.

Brett you just keep getting 4.0's and beat my GPA ;) you have no idea how happy that made me when you told me your goal was to beat me and graduate with a 4.0 It's hard work but I know you can do it.

Nate you are such a sweet boy, you are smart and you are funny. Never let the things of this world or the people of this world make you believe otherwise because God see's so much more in you than you could ever know. Learn of him, he will be there for you ALWAYS.

Aunt's, Uncle's, Cousin's, and friend's thank you for reading my blog and supporting me in my love for writing. I love you.

Live. Laugh. Pray.

<3