Thursday, October 20, 2011

What I Was, What I am, and What I Can Become

This is my favorite eassy that I have ever written. :)
I’m running around the house frantic. I’ve lost it again. How could this happen! I had it just this morning. After searching the house thoroughly three times, the blaming begins. “Who took my iPod? I swear if I find it in anyone’s room I’m going to super glue their fingers together!” Five minutes later mom is making dinner, and I hear “Tam you need to calm down I just found your iPod in the fridge!” Then I laugh as I remember setting it down in the fridge when I was getting a glass of milk. I lose everything and as much as I love my iPod I lose it all the time. But it never stays lost for long because I won’t sleep until it’s found. My iPod is my most valuable possession because it has so many memories wrapped up in it from the cover to the pictures to the songs.

            IPods were first released in October of 2001 according the article "Facts You Should Know About iPods” written by Roberto Sedycias. I received my very first iPod for Christmas in 2008. It was a second generation Nano. It was my first love until my first love came around. I treasured that piece of technology like nothing else. I parted with it the following Christmas because I got a new and improved iPod, a first generation iTouch. I gave my Nano to my aunt who had been using a Shuffle, which she then gave to my cousin. It was like a game of musical chairs, but with iPods. Departing with my Nano was a very difficult task for me, we’d shared a lot of good times together, but the pain didn’t last long. I quickly fell deeply in love with my new iPod Touch.

            Every Christmas we get together as a family, each family member draws a name from a hat and then buys a present for that person. As the season drew near to Christmas in 2010 we did our routine name drawing and my name fell into the hands of my younger brother Brett.  The day we’d all purchased our presents for rolled around and once more my favorite present revolved around my iPod. But this time was a little different. I didn’t fall instantly in love with this gift. It took some warming up to. I, in fact, hated this particular gift at first. It was one of the last presents under the tree on Christmas morning; it was wrapped up in a tiny box. My brother handed it to me and instructed me to open it. I opened the small package and inside was two square pieces of paper with a weird design and a ballerina printed on them. I looked up at him and thanked him. I must have looked confused because he quickly explained that the real present hadn’t arrived in the mail yet, but when it got here it would be a sticker cover for my iPod. I thanked him once more. Later on that day when I got my mom alone I asked her why she didn’t tell Brett that I didn’t like ballet anymore. She explained to me that she tried to tell him I didn’t like ballet as much as I used to. That made him sad; he thought that I still loved it. He told her that he’s spent a lot of time trying to find it and he thought I’d still like it because it had a dancer on it, and even if I didn’t like ballet I liked dance.

It came in the mail a week later. It was a hideous. The real deal wasn’t any better than the makeshift papers had been. It was made up of the ugliest shades and tints of browns and greens. People often comment on it and tell me they love my camouflage cover. When I let them take a closer look they realize it isn’t camouflage at all, it’s just an ugly blob of ballerina. At first I was reluctant to put it on, it would never come off and my iPod would be forever ugly. I finally came to term with it; it wasn’t ever going to look good to me. But I put in on out of the kindness of my heart. I didn’t want to hurt Brett’s feelings by not being grateful for his gift. I knew that he tried really hard to get me something I’d love. It’s supposed to be the thought that matters most any way, right? As time passed I grew accustomed to looking at the ugly ballerina, and it would make me chuckle. It would take me back and I’d think about how hard it was for me to let go of my pride and put it on my iPod. The sticker became a reminder of how much my brother loved me, and I grew to adore it. I couldn’t have received a better gift that Christmas morning. Some of the best gifts are unwrapped with time and not our hands.

            That is just the outside of my iPod. I love the inside just as much. One thing that my Nano couldn’t do that my new iTouch can is have applications. I use only use a few apps, my favorite being the photo app. It creates easy access to my photo albums. All my pictures are a simple touch away. They hold so many wonderful memories for me. There is one of me and my sister camping in the summer of 2007. I’m sitting on her shoulders and we’re both laughing, it’s clear that we were enjoying one another’s company. I can’t really remember what we did on that camping trip, and it’s ok because that’s not really the important thing. The significance of the picture is that you can tell my sister is my best friend just by looking at it. She’s the person I go to when I can’t trust anyone else. She’s taught me so much about myself and how to laugh things off. One time I came home from hanging out with some friends and I told her about this stupid boy that smashed my face into a plate of pancakes. I told her it was really upsetting to me and I just wanted to cry. She told me that in situations like that she just tries to laugh, and by laughing it puts things in perspective and she realizes it can be a funny thing instead of something to be mad about. I’ve really taken that advice to heart. I love that picture because it reminds me of the experiences that we’ve had that have brought us closer together and made us best friends.

Another picture that is important to me is from Fall 2009. It’s of me and the first boy I ever fell in love with. It was taken on the day we met. We are each holding a terribly carved pumpkin. The goal was to carve each other’s faces into the pumpkins. It was supposed to be a surprise but when I showed him my finished project utter shock was written all over his face. Neither of us are artists and our pumpkins were a little insulting, especially my pumpkin depicting his face. He laughed really hard at first, and then when he gained control of himself he frowned and said “you really think I’m that ugly?” One picture is of him holding “his face” and he’s frowning because of the hack job I did. The next picture is me holding “my face” I’m laughing partially from embarrassment of my artistic skill and partially because his pumpkin was almost as bad as mine. I’ve never laughed so much in my life as I did that day. Those pictures trigger the memory of falling in love for the first time. It only happens once. I wouldn’t ever want to forget the laughter and good times we shared, especially that first day.

            IPod’s are best known for the large number of songs they are able to hold. Nothing can make me nostalgic like hearing a song that takes me back to another time and place. Sometimes I like to go to my room all by myself and play my iPod on shuffle just to see where it will take me. Some songs make me gleeful while others can leave me feeling empty. “The Dance” by Garth Brooks always leaves me pondering life. I’ve often wondered what might have been in life, but that song always pulls me back to reality and makes me realize that I’m grateful for the way my life has played out. For example I have often wondered why my first love and I didn’t last. We were happy and we were perfect for each other. Sometimes in life the reasons are never apparent to us, but looking back now, I know that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss that dance for anything. “…If I`d only known how the king would fall, Hey who`s to say? You know I might have changed it all, And now I`m glad I didn`t know, The way it all would end the way it all would go, Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, But I`d have had to miss the dance” (Brooks). Those words really put things in perspective for me, and I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, or the way it all would go. If I did I never would have been brave enough to fall in love, and if falling in love was a mistake it was the best mistake I’ve ever made. Those memories have an infinite worth to me. Those moments shaped me.

I love music because it does something to me. It changes me. It can turn my cold heart warm. It makes it possible for me to feel pure emotion whether happy or sad. Music has a way of pulling my heart strings like nothing else can. There are a few artists who can break my heart or make me fall in love with a few chords and touching lyrics. Hearing the song “Forever and Always” by the band Parachute takes me back to the summer of 2011 to one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. My sister and I made it all the way up to the front of the stage. We had to push our way there and I remember exerting more energy in that single moment than I’d ever done before. It was more than worth it though, because I got to touch Will’s hand. Right after I touched him I felt all the energy drain from my body because the difficult task I’d just completed.  But the exhaustion didn’t last long, the crowd started to sing out at the top of their lungs and I remember feeling like I was a part of something bigger. As the words flowed from everyone’s lips I was energized with the feelings of unity and happiness. This world is huge and it seems like everyone wants something different from it. But right there in that moment we were all there for the same reason and the music united us in the same purpose. The feeling was invigorating. There was life in the crowd, and I was part of that life. I will never meet all the people that were in the crowd that day but I didn’t have to know them to feel a part of them. I remember the joy bubbled out of me and at times I wasn’t able to sing the words because my emotion was over flowing in the form of laughter. That song will always take me back to that time and that place where the music and the crowd filled me with life and energy.

            I love my iPod because every time I pick it up or turn it on it’s a trip down memory lane. In my opinion our memories are the greatest treasures we’ll ever have in life. “Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose” (Kevin Arnold). I wouldn’t ever want to forget the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today. My iPod makes it possible for me to hold on to what I was, what I am, and what I can become.

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