An Old Rocking Chair

Mission prep has got to be the coolest thing ever invented since soft serve ice cream.

{no pun intended}

By the way... when was soft serve ice cream invented?

Doesn't matter... my point is they are both wonderful contributions to this world and I'm so grateful for both of them in my life :)

Yesterday was my second time attending mission prep here in big R Town (aka Riverton)

And I just loved it.

It's taught by an older couple in their cozy living room.

The man has grey curly hair and makes me think of a jolly grandpa.

Yesterday we talked about the Spirit and how important it is that we learn NOW to be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

As he taught he was sitting in a big rocking chair and I felt like a little child sitting at grandpa's feet, eagerly learning from his years of experience and wisdom.

It was such a cool experience because I truly felt like we were all brothers and sisters and we were united in our purpose.

From now on whenever I see a rocking chair I will always think back to my mission prep days, the spirit, and feeling at home in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Beyond Blessed

I opened my mission call on the shore of Lake Michigan in Chicago Illinois. My family was there for my sisters graduation and I couldn't wait until I got home to open it. So my brother Brett, who flew in just in time for the graduation, brought it with him. I wasn't home so I couldn't go on a walk by myself after I opened my call and just think about the next eighteen months of my life and have a mini break down. ( I was so overwhelmed) So I held it together until we got back to the condo late that night. I hid in the bathroom and cried. I had to make it a quick cry because I didn't want anyone to know. And there I silently prayed "God why do you want me to go on a mission? I'm sorry that I'm not jumping for joy. Please help me to love the people of the Minnesota Minneapolis Mission. Please change my heart. Please change me."

Here I am about 50 days later a completely changed person. As I'm writing this I can see Gods hand in my life and He heard me, the scared little girl hiding in the bathroom and He has defiantly  strengthened me. It didn't come all at once. It was a process of faith and miracles.

I went from wondering why me, to feeling incredibly blessed that God is ALLOWING me to do this. Oh how blessed I am that He trusts me enough to send me to His children that He loves so much and that He will strengthen me and give me the words to say if I faithfully prepare without faint.

As I have prepared and read my scriptures and prayed with all my being I have felt my Heavenly Father. I have made goals and have been doing my best to develop Christ like attributes and I have never been happier. It's not easy and the mission field isn't going to be any easier, but I can truly say I look forward to every challenge with excitement and hope. My God loves me and He will always be near me as I am worthy!

I don't report to the MTC until August 7th but I can't already say my mission has blessed my life beyond anything I could have ever imagined. It was a difficult choice to serve and a long path for me to travel (I wanted to go to school in Nashville) but I would do it all again. My heart has changed and it has grown to fit so much love in it. 

I feel so blessed that I have had this opportunity set before me and I've promised myself that I will not waste a single day of my mission wanting to go home or wishing it was easier (or warmer ;) I will wake up smiling and be happy everyday, because I have the best message in the world. This includes my pre mission time. So far I have been improving day by day and I know The Lord will bless me as I have righteous goals. I hope that as people feel prompted to serve that they do! I understand the hardship of giving up a dream that is so close. But I promise nothing of this world will ever feel as good and the things of God. And if we serve our missions faithfully He will bless us after the mission with the things we need. And this I have unwavering faith in.

It's Where My Demons Hide

The Imagine Dragons song "Demons" is all to real.

It's a song that everyone can relate to on some level whether or not they choose to admit it.

"Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide"

We all have them and I think the best way to defeat them is to face them

...

I walk past the mirror and I lock eyes with my reflection.

Try as I might I can't look away.

Not until I can see myself correctly, for who I really am and not for what I've done or what's been done to me.

I can't look away.

I'm searching my soul, trying to believe that I'm more than I feel I am in this moment.

The longer I stare the more frustrated I become, because I can't see it, I can't see my soul.

I can't see the good I so long to see.

I want to shout and yell and my reflection "WHO ARE YOU?"

I want to cry but I'm stone faced.

Then all my fears and insecurities come out.

There is a little girl inside me who is scared and lonely.

She didn't grow up like most little girls do.

She was forced into maturity due to situations that were beyond her control.

I should thank her for being so strong, for making it out with the glimmer of faith that she did.

I should thank her for being strong enough to get me to where I'm at today; blossoming into a wonderful woman.

But I don't want to thank her, I want to yell at her.

Why must her past haunt me and make me believe I'm not worth it.

Why can't she believe that I deserve to be loved without conditions.

As I stare I fear all I will ever be is a disappointment.

I'm scared that if someone loves me they will only learn to hate me.

I worry that I will never be able to live up to the expectations I've set for myself and I will fail.

I vow that I will never let someone get close enough to see this side of me, I will never allow someone to love a soul so unworthy as I.

But I can't give up.

I never give up, it's not who I am.

I fought for the light through the dark ages of my life.

Why would I give up now, after I KNOW what it's like to be bathed in the light of Christ's love.

I don't share this to hurt anyone or to gain pity.

I share this because there IS hope.

A perfect brightness of hope in Christ the Savior and Redeemer of the world.

We don't have to sit in the darkness.

We can flick the light switch.

We are not defined by the way we've been treated or what we've been told about ourselves or what we have done wrong in our lives.

We are defined by Christ's view of us, and He loves us even when we are in the darkest pit.

He sees our potential and He knows there is light and goodness in us that is beyond our comprehension.

If we only trust Him, He will lead us to the light, He will wrap us in His arms of encompassing love.

We have to believe that we deserve light, we have to let it in us.

The only way to spread it is to be it.

So if you can't believe that you deserve the light for yourself, let it in you so you can give it to others, and in time you will come to know the love your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for you.

Don't sit in the darkness any more.

It's ok to feel a little scared, but let your faith be brighter than your fear.

Believe and it shall be given unto you.

Hope on.

We Laughed Until We Cried

Have you ever had one of those days when you are just down right slap happy.

You just think anything and everything is funny.

Well I've been having one of those weeks.

So stick around and maybe I will amuse you.

First off I think my giddy disposition came about when the weather started to warm up and the sun began to play peek-a-boo.

Friday just rocked my socks to the grocery store and back because I conquered three tests and then continued to rule my world.

I accomplished EVERYTHING on my to do list, which is a miracle because that NEVER happens, and then I had a bunch of free time.

Kenz and I threw a Frisbee around in the parking lot... until I accidentally stomped on it and crushed it.

"What? A wimpy piece of plastic can't keep structure under my weight and huge muscles?! Odd."

Better luck next time I guess.

Saturday was equally as great.

We went on a hike with some friends and explored a secret place that is only known to Cedar natives.

The afternoon was full of friendship, laughter and the playing of a fun game called Icebox.

Which by the way, I co-won every time!

 Later that night, game night palooka was upon us.
(Palooka is a word I made up that means all things good)

What a crazy blast we had!

The game "Word on the Street" is magnificent!

I recommend it.

Quotes of the night: 

"A cat, ALWAYS a cat."

"Something you burn"

"like I said, a cat. ALWAYS a cat!"

"TOP VIEW! I told you it was the top view"

"I couldn't figure it out, it kinda looked like a puppet to me"

"It was a helmet. TOP VIEW!"

(this was during Telestrations, for some reason people can never guess my pictures. Just call me a modern day Picasso if you will!)

This next thing that I am about to share was the highlight of my night and proof that Kenzie and I think so much alike it is frightening!

In the game Telestrations you draw a picture and pass it to the next person and then they guess what you drew and write it on a separate page and then the next person draws the word. So on and so forth.

Kenzie and I were on opposite sides of the room so there is no way we could have planned this.

When the round was over everyone shared the pictures and guesses and

mine was shared which said, "Harry Potter yo!"

and then a little later Kenzie's was shared and it said "HP Dawg!"

FREAKY FRIDAY right there (even though it was Saturday).

Sunday was fabulous.

Easter is just a good day no matter what!
 The talks and testimonies were incredible and the music was beautiful!

After church, we made a lovely dinner and invited some friends over to enjoy it with us.

We also went for a walk in the...wait for it... SUNNY weather, and then we were able to go to the fireside.

Now for the BEST DAY EVER!

Monday aka April fools day.

I look forward to this day like it's Christmas, Thanksgiving, and my birthday all combined!

I woke up to a note on the mirror that said "good morning beautiful", just to walk out to my car and see that it said "April fools."

Kenzie claims that these notes were not meant to be related.

I played a few minor pranks on people in my classes and then after accounting, I went to the library to meet up with Kenzie and wreak havoc on the place.

We printed posters that said, "Free pizza on the upper quad all day!"

It was so funny to get on Facebook and Instagram and see posts about it!

I asked my music class to raise their hands if they tried to find the free pizza.

A LOT of people fell for it.

I have never laughed so hard.

I was sitting in class with tears literally streaming down my face.

Then to top off the day we booby-trapped our roommate Cami.

We taped up garbage bags and built a barricade of newspaper and confetti between the bags and her door.
Oh. I also pranked Kenzie by putting a rotten banana in her bed.
She absolutely hates bananas with a fiery burning passion of dislike.
This prank is proving to be a prank on myself as well (my room kinda smells funny now).

I woke up Tuesday morning and Kenzie had left me a note that said: "please lock the door when you leave, I don't wanna get pranked."

Now here is the thing, we have never locked our door before, there has never been the need.

I thought the random key on my keychain was to my bedroom door, but I wasn't positive, just pretty sure.

So, as I was getting ready to leave for the day I was a bit hesitant to lock the door, but I pushed the feeling aside and did as I was told.

I got home from school and tried getting into my bedroom just to realize that I had made a very big miscalculation.

Thoughts started rushing through my head:

"lock the door you said. It's a good idea you said.

No Kenzie, locked doors are bad.

Bad, bad, bad!

Because that key I thought was our room key?

Yep, it's not.

Turns out it's my bike lock key!

Jokes on me!

Saint April fools day you are a funny guy!"

The best part about it is I had to go get the apartment manager and he told me he never gave me a room key because none of the doors are supposed to have locking door knobs.

He did find one key that could maybe be it, so we tried it.

Fail.

We stood there looking at each other and he said: "I can get you in there but it'll cost you."

I was thinking he was gonna break the door down and I'd have to pay for a replacement door which would be like $30 or $40.

I thought for a second and asked how much, he said $5.

So very matter factually I said "Ok. Do it. Break my door down."

He laughed and informed me he didn't have to bust the door, just needed some tools.

Which was a good thing and a bad thing for me.

I totally would have loved to see him go Hulk on my door, but that probably would have cost me a lot more money.

So, all in all, it was a hilarious experience and Kenz and I could not stop laughing when she came home and I told her all about it.

4-H = Happy

I'm a mentor at Cedar Middle School.

I LOVE IT!

At the beginning of the semester a paper went around my institute class asking for people to sign up.

I needed something to fill my time and help me to feel like I had a purpose,

So I signed up.

The first time I went I walked in and I felt a little awkward,

I didn't know anyone there and I had no idea what to talk about with 6th graders.

But every time I went I got more and more comfortable and I began to build friendships with the kids and with my fellow mentors.

And now 4-H is the highlight of my week.

I get to talk to these kids and see their wonderful senses of humor and wonderful personalities and then I get to help them with their homework and encourage them to do their best.

Homework time is a struggle but it's my favorite because I know they can do it even when they say they can't!

Seeing them succeed makes me so happy!

Last time at mentoring I was working with this girl that wouldn't do her homework for anything and so I sang her a song about how her homework missed her because she wouldn't give it enough attention.

After my splendid song she did her homework.

Unfortunately my song wasn't that amazing motivational song that moves people to action, rather my voice is so bad anyone would do anything to get me to stop, my lil' bro Nate can attest to this.

I've tortured him many times in this manner when I want him to put his dishes away.

My singing is done in the name of fun tho, so it's ok :)

These kids have so much potential and I have learned to love them SO much!

They make me laugh so hard and I'm always happy when I am with them.

We goof off but we also get things done.

Some of my favorite memories include:

Making soft pretzels,

ALWAYS winning the cooking competitions,

Making T-shirts,

Arm wrestling contests,

Wheelbarrow races,

Hands up stands up games,

Playing tag,

Creating things with our mad wood working skills,

and just simply laughing together.

I'm so glad that I signed up and there are many more fun times ahead :)

 

Something Miraculous

Something truly and utterly miraculous happened when I made the choice to give my all to the Lord.

I want my family that is far away from me to know how much I love the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is true and it brings so much happiness and light into this lost and fallen world.

I want my mamma to know that she raised me right and taught me the ways of God and I know it and I will never depart from it.

My mother is the most wonderful woman on all of planet Earth and I know she has a testimony.

When I told her I wanted to go on a mission back in October and I asked her how we would pay for it she told me "the money will be there. God always makes sure the money is there."

I have heard stories about my Granddad and every time he was supporting a missionary his farm would thrive and the money was always there.

This testimony has been passed on from my graddad to my mom and now it strengthens my faith.

Back in October when I prayed about going on a mission I received no specific answer.

I decided that God would be pleased with any righteous choice that I made.

I decided that I would continue to pursue my dream and move to Nashville to finish my schooling.

I had my life planned out and it was perfect.

Until nothing was working.

I was pursuing many righteous things in my life but I was being denied them.

I was trying so hard to apply to Belmont but things kept getting lost in the mail.

I struggled with this process for about four months.

Exhausted and confused I broke down.

One night while I was kneeling beside my bed I told God that I would do whatever He wanted me to do. If He didn't want me to go to Belmont then I wouldn't go. I would give up my dream if He had another plan for me. I told Him I would give Him everything if He would just let me finish my application to Belmont. At this point all I wanted was to finish what I'd started and at least find out if Belmont wanted me to come to their school.

Looking back I can see that God was trying to humble me to see how willing I was to follow His plan for me.

He knew I'd been praying for direction but He didn't want to give me answers I wasn't ready to follow.

So he prepared my heart for what was to come.

One weekend on a drive back to Cedar City I was talking to my wonderful friend Kenzie Sant and I kept asking her why things were so hard in my life and why nothing was working.

My application to Belmont was still up in the air, and I was still struggling with that tremendously.

Then Kenzie said the thing I feared the most.

She said "maybe you're supposed to go on a mission."

The moment she said that a peace came into my heart and I think that was the moment I knew.

I wasn't quite ready to know though and I just laughed and jokingly said "don't say that, that's not funny, if I end up going on a mission I blame you!"

But even though my heart still wanted to go to Belmont more than anything I remembered my prayer to God that I told Him that I would go where He wanted me to go and I would do what He wanted me to do.

This SCARED me!

I decided I wouldn't pray about it because I knew the answer and I wasn't ready to face it.

But then a few days later I saw a post on Facebook (of all things.... Facebook... it's quite silly I know) and this post was made by a girl that said she would put her life in God's hands and follow the prompting she had to serve a mission.

Again I was scared and I wondered if I had that kind of faith.

Could I do what I knew was right, could I give up the one thing, my dream, that has kept me holding on for so many years.

It was so close, I could almost taste it.

Could I trust the Lord enough to give up what I could have made of myself in exchange for what He could make of me.

Would I or would I not trust the God that gave me life, the God that gave me that dream in the first place.

I laid awake in my bed arguing with myself.

I was trying to decided if I should say the prayer that would change the direction of my life forever.

The hour got later and I realized that if I didn't do it then I would end up doing it later.

I realized I wanted to follow the path that God had for my life, I would no longer put off the inevitable.

I said the life altering prayer and I asked God if He wanted me to serve a mission.

At the end of the prayer I noticed I was smiling.

I felt true happiness in my heart and I knew what I had to do.

You may have noticed a trend of me not quite being ready to accept everything all at once.

And yet again I struggled with accepting all the knowledge I had been given.

I was scared of the new path I had ahead of me and I decided I wouldn't tell anyone about my decision quite yet.

But this only led to doubt.

I prayed again "am I supposed to go on a mission."

This time the feeling was not there.

I learned a valuable lesson from this particular experience and I wish never to forget it.

God will give you all the answers to your prayers BUT THEN He expects you to do something with those answers.

He does not want you to keep nagging Him about the same thing He has already revealed to you.

At least this is true for me in this particular instance.

Before God would give me any more knowledge He needed me to exercise faith in Him and act upon my answer.

The next Sunday's stake conference was focused heavily on missionary work.

The whole time I just kept thinking to myself "I need to go on a mission."

I told myself I would wait a bit to act on the prompting and see if I still felt the same in a few weeks.

It was then that reality came crashing down on me and I knew I could not delay the promptings of the Spirit.
The time to act was in the present and I could let no more time pass by.

With shaking fingers I texted the executive secretary to make an appointment to meet with the bishop.

I was still a little unsure but I knew that if I acted God would give me more answers and I would know what to do.

The appointment was made for Tuesday at 5:00

Naturally I showed up at 4:30 just to realized that everyone was still working so of course they wouldn't be there yet.

I sat in my car trying to calm my heart and keep myself from peeing my pants (I was nervous).

The time came and the building was unlocked and the bishops office door opened up to me.

I sat across from my bishop and I told him I was surprised to be there, this wasn't exactly part of my plan, I was just trying to exercise my faith in Chirst.

He asked me if I had a desire to serve.

I realized that I did and I told Him so.

He asked me to read D&C 4.

That scripture has never meant so much to me, I felt the spirit so strong.

By the end of our meeting my decision was sure.

I knew in my heart that I wanted to serve the Lord with all my heart and I wanted to give Him my everything for 18 months.

Ever since I made this final decision I have felt extreme peace in my life and overwhelming happiness.

I know that God knows what He is doing and anything I give up to serve Him He will bless me with so much more.

I need my family at home to know that this is the best decision I have ever made and I am very sure that this is what I want to do.
I have never felt so much peace and happiness in my life.

I hope to be able to look back on my life and read this and know that God's hand was definitely directing my life and I hope that when future generations read this my testimony can strengthen theirs.

After all that is why I write.

I love my family and I want to be with them forever.

I'm going to serve the Lord so that other people can be with theirs for eternity too.

By the time I'm 25

All of the below will be crossed off :)

Bucket lists are great and all but I needed to make some time bound goals

So here it goes...

Emotional and Spiritual Health

Go to counseling

Identify my fears and overcome them

Learn to be comfortable talking to adults and asking for what I need

Get closer to God

Take a family name to the temple

Fulfill callings and visit teaching assignments

Chase My Dreams

Apply for my dream school aka Belmont

Move to Nashville

Write a song with someone in Nashville and have it performed at the Bluebird Cafe

Get an internship at a record label or a producing company

Get a job I enjoy/love

Be able to play a song on the guitar and piano

Get something published

Live in the moment and laugh daily

  

Have Adventures

Go to Cedar Point roller-coaster park in Ohio

See a Garths Brooks concert (completely dependent on him)

Take a hot air balloon ride

Go skydiving

Climb a V5 bouldering route

Take a trip to Vegas with a friend and see Penn and Teller

Spend New Years Eve in New York

Go on a church history tour in New York

Go to the festival of colors

Zipline in Tennessee

Visit Graceland

Go the Grand Ol' Opry

Visit the Country Music Hall of Fame

Relationships

Take a relationship slow

Don't be afraid to fall in love and/or walk away from relationships that aren't good for me

Only be in relationships that are great and not just good

Tell someone I love them and mean it

Stay good friends with Rachael, Kenzie, and Hannah

Serve Others

Be a mentor

Find a mentor

Be a camp counselor

Education

Get my associates degree

Finish my 4-year business degree

Miscellaneous

Get laser hair removal

Watch the Superbowl

Paint a canvas

Have no debt

Decorate an apartment

Be a bridesmaid

Invest in something (iPhone)

Shoot a gun

Through the Storm and Into His Peace

The first time I thought about starting a blog was the summer of 2010.

Which also happens to be one of the hardest times in my life.

I wanted to write about my struggles in hopes of helping other people going through similar struggles.

I thought that even if I couldn't necessary brighten my own life maybe I could be a light in someone else's.

I sit down to write tonight with that same prayer in my heart.

I hope that I can write something that will help someone hold on and press forward with faith.

These past few months have been a tremendous trial in my life.

I have found myself on my knees and literally begging my Heavenly Father for peace, comfort, and direction.

I've tried to keep my faith strong and my actions diligent.

It has been somewhat exhausting at times,

But these struggles have not been in vain, I have learned a lot.

I know God answers prayers.

It may take weeks, it may take months, or even years BUT he WILL answer.

He gives us knowledge as it becomes needful that we know it.

He has perfect timing and a perfect plan.

At times it may feel like you're wondering in the dark with no direction but when the time comes God will turn the light switch on and you will be able to see that you were on the right path all along.

The key to staying on that path is prayer and righteousness.

I feel like I'm still wondering on my path right now, but I have faith that when the time is right God will speak peace and understanding to my soul and I will know that He knew all along what He was doing even if I did not.

I have also come to seriously think about the intentions and true feelings of my heart.

I've noticed that sometimes I want to do the right thing but for the wrong reason.

I spent one night praying for a very long time because I told myself I wouldn't stop praying until all the intentions in my heart were righteous.

I would get to a point and I'd be like ok I can stop praying I think my heart is in the right place, and then an unwanted thought would slip back into my mind and I would have to start praying again.

That was a really cool experience for me because I was really able to concentrate on aligning my will to God's and accepting His will and truly being humble and allowing God's love to fill my soul.

There is something really cool about God's love, when you let it in you there is no room to have negative thoughts about anyone or anything.

When you let God's love fill your heart and mind you long to pray for your enemies and beg God to bless the people that despitefully use you.

You're heart changes and you no longer desire to find reasons to be angry, but you allow forgiveness to take over and a genuine happiness and peace come into your life.

(Matt 5:44)

God's love is a miracle.

I've found that the only way to feel true peace is to forgive.

Forgiving is letting go of your hurts and praying for the people that have hurt you.

Some situations are hard because you can forgive someone but even though you have forgiven them they can't necessarily be a part of your life.

I have had many people open up to me in my day and I've heard many life stories that include heart ache and abuse of all kinds.

Sometimes people feel like they can not forgive because forgiving means letting someone continue to abuse them.

The thing is, you can forgive your abuser without letting yourself be vulnerable to them.

You don't have to let them be in your life.

Maybe someday they will change and they will be ready to be a positive force in your life, but other times they are not capable of being a healthy part of your life at the stage of life they're in.

Forgiveness is praying for those people and truly hoping that someday they will find truth, happiness, and the gift of repentance.

Another thing I have learned is my great worth in the sight of God.

He truly does love and a desire the best for me.

I deserve respect.

I pray that every girl knows her worth to God and NEVER lets a guy treat her less than she deserves.

God counts every tear that His daughters cry and holds the people that caused them accountable.

It grieves God to see His daughters hearts broken.

God is aware of you and your struggles.

He will consecrate them for your good if you allow Him to.
Let Him in, let His love fill your soul.

Have faith, have hope, and carry on.

Rambles of an Interesting Week

What do you get when you mix a Neanderthal and a recluse?

You get Tamra Smith on February 8, 2013!

Big sorry to all the people who were affected by my social awkward-idity today.

 On a lighter note; Cedar had three earthquakes yesterday!

Three whole earthquakes!

And guess how many of them I felt?

A big fat zero!

This makes me feel very sad inside.

The ground was a-rumbling and a-grumbling and I didn't even know.

I've been through a few earthquakes in my day, yet I've never experienced one.

So maybe someone could secretly shake my bed and make the pictures on my wall rattle one night, and then I would know what an earthquake feels like, and I think that would probably make me feel very happy!

It's incredibly easy to please me.

Just fake a natural disaster and I'm good, I don't ask for too much ;)

I made a huge leap in my growing up process last week!

I "watched" the Super Bowl for the first time in my life.

Does anyone really watch it, or just the commercials?

Any who, that was pretty cool for me.

I got to drink Mt. Dew and eat seven layer dip all while making hilarious football jokes.

Two super random facts:

1. I don't drink soda. Ever. I don't crave it therefore I see no reason to consume it. Well here's the deal breaker, my Economics teacher drinks Mt. Dew every time he lectures and it just looks SO yummy. I've literally been thinking about Mr. Dew nonstop ever since the semester started and I was incredibly happy to drink the bubbly delightful-ness while acting like a true American!

2.You know how the power went out during the Super Bowl? Well I guess when I fell asleep that night I was thinking about big sport events and odd mishaps occurring, and I dreamed that I was at the NBA finals and the basketball turned into a water balloon and then a huge water balloon fight broke out. How's that for weird?

I adopted a grandpa on Thursday.

You see, I go running on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and I always see this old man walking.

Last Thursday I had a feeling that I should talk to him, I told myself I'd run two more laps and then I'd say hello.

I finished the second lap and I looked around and he had left.

I told myself I'd talk to him on Tuesday.

I got there and again I thought to myself I'll get my running out of the way and then I'll say hello.

It's funny how if you don't act on a prompting right when you get it you lose your opportunity.

Again he left before I got the chance to say anything.

When I got to the track on the following Thursday I was determined to talk to him first thing.

I said good morning and we started talking.

I found out that he started walking after he had a few heart attacks, he's trying to keep his heart as healthy as possible.

I don't know why I was prompted to talk to him, I don't know if he has family in Cedar or not.

But I do know that I was happy after I talked to him and I hope I can somehow bless his life.

I also adopted a 6th grader.

I'm in a mentoring group called 4-H.

I've been involved in it for three weeks and it has already blessed my life loads.

There is a girl there named Kelsie and I help her with her math homework, which I love, and then we get to cook/bake when homework is done :)

This week we made soft pretzels!

I love the kids that go there and again I hope that somehow I can bless their lives as much as they bless mine!

Kenz and I bought a bunch of wood on Thursday.

It was a pretty funny experience for us.

Kenzie is on the multi-stake activities committee and she has to make the carnival games for the upcoming valentines dance.

And that is why we bought a bunch of wood.

We did not think about transporting this wood back to our place of residency, which ended up being a real issue for us.

So we called our hometeacher!

Yay for hometeachers with trucks!

Kenz and I always have the most fun adventures!

Speaking of adventures!

I almost forgot about the great cookie monstrosity!

This week for FHE we played Iron Chef: Nasty Cookies Edition.

We were not allowed to follow a recipe, and we had no milk.

Our secret ingredient was mint flavored life savors, which in the end made it wreak like pepto bismol!

It didn't help that Kenz added at least half a cup of vanilla extract.

Hahahahah oh boy!

These cookies were so gross, I'm telling ya!

We were busy mixing these little nasties together while someone found us a baking sheet... FROM FREAKING GIANT LAND or something!

We thought nothing of it and plopped our good for nothing cookies onto the sheet.

We went to put them in the oven just to discover there was no way on this green Earth that the pan was going to fit!

Then someone came up with the genius idea of taking out all the cooking racks and putting the cookie sheet in at an angle.

Which totally worked.

Until the cookies started sliding to their death.

At this point we scooped the goolosh into a turkey dripping pan and cooked the little buggers that way.

What a good time we had!

Nineteen

Oh man. Oh boy. Oh dear. Goodness gracious!

One.

Nine.

19.

It's a weird thing.

Sometimes it's really hard.

I'm at a point in life where I have to make a bunch of big decisions while simultaneously learning who I am.

Those are two massive tasks... and to do them at the same time is something else.

It's incredible, it's lonely, and it's beautiful.

It's like I'm a kid in an adults body.

I'm expected to hold myself together even though sometimes I just want my mamma.

19 is wanting to grow up fast and at the same time wishing it wouldn't happen.

It's being scared I'll never fall in love and finding out my biggest fear is that I will.

It's feeling like the whole world is mine for the taking if I will just reach up and grab it.

But, 19 is also being nervous and not knowing if I can really do all that I'm meant to.

It's being insecure and awkward and messing up.

But it's also being confident and throwing all caution to the wind and having hope.

19 is finally coming to terms with the fact that God has a plan for me and He expects me to be responsible and do my part in making those things happen.

  I can't just hide in the background and hope to go unnoticed anymore.

I have to come forward and take my place and spread light and happiness.

19 is a year of growth, discovery, and struggle.

It's finding out that my heart has a lot of love in it that I wish I could give away but it gets rejected.

It's about learning to continue loving others who may never love me back.

19 is dealing with demons and learning to let go of past hurts and forgive.

and knowing that if I don't forgive the past will also become my future.

19 is for dreaming big and hugging friends tight.

It is a time to inspire others to try new things and care about others.

It is tears and laughter,

hardships and light-heartedness.

19 is mistakes and lessons.

It's finding love and not knowing it until it's gone.

It is making friends and putting myself out there.

19 is learning how to love and accept myself.

It is exploring and experiences.

19 is a lot of things and most importantly it is a gift.



Let me know what it means to be whatever age you are in the comments :)

Who Are You?

My roommate from last semester, Hannah Carson, is leaving on her mission February 6.

This weekend Kenzie and I traveled up north to wish her a happy year and a half.

We arrived on Saturday afternoon in good spirits.

We reunited with Hannah and talked and laughed for endless hours.

We even watched a movie and let Hannah pick it! *GASP*

We had a lovely time.

When sleepy time rolled around Kenz and I had to share the futon in the sewing room.

All was well until around 12:00 pm when all of a sudden I felt really really scared.

I shot up and grabbed Kenzie's shoulder and started shaking her and then I yelled "Who are you?"

She thought it was a funny joke so she just laughed and then I yelled "Seriously, who are you?"

She replied "I'm McKenzie!"

I kinda woke up at this point and told her I was sorry and I was just really confused and we joked about it for a minute but I was still slightly asleep so I don't really remember what was said after that.

When morning broke and the rooster crowed (figuratively) we were wide awake and I asked Kenz if I did anything weird during the night.

She re accounted the story to me and I laughed my head off.

For some reason whenever I sleep talk I always ask Kenzie who she is.

Missing You

Elder Chase Driggs I miss you!

I miss splashing around in puddles, 

defeating Princess Peach in Mario Party 2 on Nintendo 64, 

disco dancing in parking lots, 

sampling perfume at the mall, 

listening to you play the piano, 

throwing tumble weeds out the window of a moving vehicle, 

riding my tricycle/unicycle around the neighborhood, 

calling you on the phone to talk about nothing at all, 

laughing until we'd cry, 

joking about someday living in an Asian garden, 

buying incense, 

doing physics homework (bowling balls are heavy), 

text mix up's (I have to drop poo), 

late night talks when you would share your testimony with me when I felt like the whole world was crashing down, 

goofing off in physics class, 

rolling down the isles at choir concerts,

 arguing about who gets to eat the banana runt candy, 

walking around the school smashed into the same hoody, 

your book of mormon stories, 

shoveling snow, 

learning how to juggle, 

being obnoxious at school plays, 

going running (yeah that lasted seconds), 

eating hamburgers at that one place that went out of business, 

hanging out at football games,

eating our vitamins,

... and so much more.

11 more months and the shenanigans will resume!

Until then, stay cool best friend!

Utah Logic

I know people have been posting weather updates every two seconds on Facebook the past few days...

BUT on the off chance you haven't heard... It's freezing!

Californians are calling it an Arctic blast!

Ok, it's not THAT bad, but it is nose numbing.

I woke up this morning feelin' like P Diddy, popped my waffle in the toaster and out the door I went.

I slipped on a deadly patch of ice, almost fell on my butt and lost my breakfast.

While I was "hot potatoing " my waffle and sliding all over the place I managed to catch my balance,

success was mine, butt and waffle were saved!

Now I know that this might sound like a great start to a fab day.... but just you wait.

I started scrapping frost off my windshield and I looked over and there was a crazy man a few cars over scraping his windshield in a T-shirt!

I had a nice little chuckle to myself before I called out

"Hey Jordan, why aren't you wearing a jacket?"

His response was "because it's 25 degrees today and it has been -17 so that means it's like 50 degrees, it's so warm!"

What a good laugh that gave me... only in Utah!

A few other perks to my day: I visited my old friends in the tutoring lab.

I miss that place!

I think I am going to make and take them cookies sometime in the near future.

And #2 the missionaries knocked on my door and missionaries are just great, so that was cool!

Happy Wednesday to you all :)

The Happy Bug

I must have caught the happy bug or something cause the past few days have been marvelous!

Not only did I watch all the Harry Potter movies, but I started reading the books at well.

Congrats to me!

I know I'm like a decade behind but better late than never I always say!

Second, work was awesome today, I got to play dodge ball.

Mind you I was the worst one at it, darn kids kept getting me out first every time.

Never the less it was a ton of fun.

Working at a day care has it's perks!

Third, I love the song "22" by Taylor Swift, it's def my new jam.

Um... forth is kind of embarrassing but I'm still laughing about it so I might as well spill.

So for the record my brothers friends basically live at my house and they are my brothers from other mothers, ok? Ok.

Glad we got that out of the way.

One of them is named Matt...

So Brett comes home and pours himself a glass of sparkling cider (kind of a staple for my family during the holidays)

I was preoccupied playing a board game with Nate when I heard Matt say "congratulations Nate!"

I didn't look up but followed the ritual of insulting Matt by saying "why is that strange boy congratulating you Nate?"

It was quiet for awhile but I didn't suspect anything and I finish up my turn.

When I finally look up I didn't see Matt but instead a boy I'd never seen before.

I was so embarrassed and I said "I'm so sorry I thought you were Matt"

and he just stared at me and said "I'm not strange!"

I should look at people before I insult them, lesson learned ;)

Oh man I'm still snickering about it...

 

Sometimes In College...

you get so bored that you prank yourself.

Finals are coming up and studying is at an all time high...

and for some odd reason I finished everything I needed to do yesterday at 4:00 in the afternoon.

What the heavens to Betsy was I gonna do for the next 8 hours??

That's when my mind teamed up with Kenzie's mind and we decided to prank ourselves.

What a fantastic idea we said as we began stringing our whole apartment.

We were almost done when we heard a door from upstairs open.

We immediately knew we had to hid because how on earth would we explain this nonsense to our roommates.

They would call us stark mad!

So we flung open the door and dashed into Kenzies room in a fit of laughter

*All the while Hannah is hiding under the counter*

and when we dashed and laughed Kenzie's roommate Cami got a glimpse of what had happen to our apartment and Kenzie quickly blurted out "Carl did it. Carl came in here and pranked us. We were at Wal-mart."

So as the story has it... Carl pranked us.

And when someone pranks you, you can't just let that slide by like nobodies business.

So we did the only logical thing there was to do.

We hopped in the car and headed over to Carl's to prank that punk back.

Needless to say we were successful and we had a grand ol' time.

Side note: today I got pulled over for the first time in my life.

I was kinda disappointed because over Thanksgiving break I was bragging about being the only driver in our family who has never been pulled over.

So much for that honor... I am no longer worthy of it.

But I can't be mad about the ticket, I did run a stop sign... and I was going 5 over... and I didn't have my seat belt on... bad driving day... to say the least.

I will commit to being a better driver from here on out.

I cannot afford any more $90 tickets.

As for calling my mom and telling her about it, she was awesome.

She just laughed, which is good, cause when you know you've done something dumb you don't need that reenforced you just need to know you need to be better, find the humor in it, and move on.

And that is why I love my mamma so much!

Be Still My Soul

A few nights ago I got to lay in bed and felt the magic that comes with a rainstorm. I remember I had so many feelings I had to write them down to understand them. Then I tucked them away never to be seen or heard. But all week the words "be still and know that I am" keep coming up. I thought it was interesting because that's EXACTLY what I wrote about. So I reread my thoughts this morning and decided to share them.

I'm lying in bed with the widow open. The cold breeze is pouring over me and I'm listening to one of the best thunderstorms God has ever created. I am still. And I know that he is. I will never cease to be amazed by the wonderful sound small water droplets make as they travel to earth and hit the ground/roof. I will never cease to be amazed by the way lightning can light up the whole sky on the darkest of nights. I will never cease to be amazed by the way the rolling thunder sounds like melody to my heart. I will never cease to be amazed that my God can turn me into something incredibly beautiful when I feel like my world is crumbling down and I am a lone rain drop tumbling to the earth. I will never ceased to be amazed by the way God can light my pathway if I but only exercise faith in Him and know that He is. He has turned some of my darkest nights into my brightest mornings. I will never cease to be amazed by the way God knows how to directly speak to my soul and how strong I can feel Him in the midst of a thunderstorm. He knows me and he loves me more than I could ever know, and if I could it would amaze me. So for now I let the breeze chill my cheeks and sprinkle my nose with cool water droplets and lie here in the dark. And let my soul be still. And know that He is.

silly ol' me

There was a free car on campus yesterday for 7 hours.

That car was my car.

Why was it free?

Oh, just because I left my keys in the ignition all day, doors unlocked and all.

All that calculus is going straight to my brain and frying it like a pancake.

Not only that but my underwear was on inside out.

It's seriously weird and slightly concerning to me.

I have this one pair of underwear that no matter how hard I try it always ends up on inside out. Without fail.

I never notice until half way through the day but when I do my eyes bug out like a cartoon character.

It's a conspiracy I can't figure out.

My week is just headed that way, and we all know what I mean by "that way".

It's called by Saturday I'm going to be shipped off to the looney bin.

AKA pray for me.

Ps I love my mommy

The Happiest Place on Earth Is...

not Disneyland.

It is Nashville Tennessee :)

It is incredibly beautiful and the people are so kind.

In a year from now I will be living in this wonderful place :)

I'm off to the land of Oz where dreams come true!

This is Broadway street.

 Broadway is the happening place.

Bars and shops line the street and live music spills out into the open air.

You can be listening to a wonderful rendition of a George Strait song and then five steps later a modernized version of Hank Williams has caught your ear.

It is one of the coolest things I've ever experienced.

It was so hard to decided where to sit down and listen, everyone was great.

The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. I spend 7 hours in this place!

Backstage passes and tickets

This is the very piano Elvis sat at to warm up and record

Studio B. The Place that Elvis and many other greats recorded.

This was a wall in the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum

 No matter where you go in Nashville there are awards and posters signed by stars flooding the walls.

Nashville has such a rich music history it's practically tangible.

Fried pickles. I guess it's a southern thing?

Wild Horse Saloon

 The second night in Nashville we ate at the Wild Horse.

The first night we got there it was too late to do anything so we went to Wal-Mart and ate lunchables for dinner.

Not super exciting so we will just skip right to the good stuff.

The Wild Horse was a really clean bar with a family atmosphere.

I line danced to a live band (which was cool because I've never done that before).

I met them after the show, their band name is Brother Trouble.

They won a talent show that Kenny Chesney put on.

Rock on.

Brother Trouble. They were really cool and down to earth.

I present to you music city!

Ryman Church Auditorium

 The Ryman was the fifth home of the Grand Ol Opry.

It was used for many years.

At one point its lack of air conditioning, restrooms, and inadequate dressing rooms left it vacant.

No one wanted to play there and to the dismay of many it was shut down.

Almost 20 years later in 1992 renovations were done and it is now running as a successful concert hall and historical landmark.

Ryman stage

When the Grand Ol Opry left the Ryman the Grand Ol Opry house was built.

It was flooded in May 2010 and the canvas below is one of the only things that was salvaged.

It was able to dry and still look nice but you can still see a water line.

The Opry house was submersed in 4 to 8 feet of water.

People worked around the clock for months to get it back into running condition.

The radio show didn't stop, it continued to air, and it is actually the longest airing radio show in the world.

The canvas that survived

A backstage tour of the Grand Ol Opry House

May the circle be unbroken. When The flood of 2010 hit this piece of stage floated and had very little water damage.

 The old circle in the middle of the stage may look tacky if you don't understand its significance.

When the radio show moved from the Ryman to the Grand Ol Opry house a piece of the stage was cut out so that future musicians could stand on the exact same stage as the music legends that came before them.

Elvis, Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Garth Brooks, Carrie Underwood, and many others have stood here and sang for many to hear and enjoy.

The Bluebird Cafe

This is probably one of my favorite places in Nashville... or the world for that matter.

It is one of the only listening rooms left in the world.

You go in and order your food, your waitress brings it to you and then the show starts.

This is a place where songwriters come to show off their stuff and hope that a label will sign them or someone wants to record their songs.

Everyone is hush hush and you just sit and listen for hours.

You laugh, you cry, you clap, and you listen.

I heard some amazing songs there that I hope to hear on the radio some day.

This is also the place where Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, and Taylor Swift were discovered.

The Bluebird can only fit about 100 people so you have to come early and wait in line.

This was a Christian rock benefit concert we went to at a local park

When I go to Belmont I will go to church right across from this beautiful stream.

The Nashville temple

Belmont University's grounds

Belmont Mansion

Belmont's campus is extremely beautiful and I love it.

I met a girl from Italy who was visiting just like me.

She and I had a lot of the same career goals and it was cool to know that I'm not completely insane.

Moving half way across the country is an intimidating thought but she wants to move half way across the WORLD!

Kudos to her and kudos to us for dreaming big :)

This is Belmont at first sight. It took my breath away.

The gates at Graceland

Just a few of Elvis Presley's awards

The front of Elvis's house

Going to Graceland I wasn't a huge Elvis fan but by the time I left I was head over heels.

There is a cool feeling there and the impact Elvis left on not only the music world but the hearts of many is astounding.

We went to a Grand Ol Opry show

Little (4 foot 11 inches) Jimmy Dickens

 I decided if I can play the guitar as well as legendary Jimmy Dickens then I'm set.

I can play as well as him, therefore I am set.

Oh did I mention he strums and changes cords super slow?

Steve Warner

Lisa Marie Presley

Rascal Flats

What better thing to do on a bridge than spit over the edge?

The famous bridge of Nashville

Nashville's Skyline

Bye bye Nashville. I will be back in no time :)